“IT AIN’T SHINY & FUN ANYMORE” by Blair Nash

Columbus BlackBlair Nash, Blog Series Vol. 2

Divorce is proof that women no longer stay stuck in unhappy marriages. Most divorces are initiated by women. (Roughly about 80%, to be exact).

I provide coaching for single individuals around the country, as well as counseling for Couples. Over the last six months – I know personally over a dozen men who woke up one day, shocked with the realization that their significant other decided to “take their ball and go home.”

How did this number grow to be so expansive? Let’s take a look at just a few factors:

WOMEN HAVE THEIR OWN CAREERS. Women will often say “I want a traditional man like my father was”. But ask them if they would like to get in a time machine and go back and live forty years ago – and you’ll hear tumbleweed and soft winds cascading in the distance.

Starting as early as 30-40 years back, women were afforded opportunities that provided means for financial stability. In layman’s term: it means they could leave physically and emotionally abusive situations, and not have to be strapped to piss poor treatment because of a fear of not being able to rely on herself. Studies show that women are making more than men in roughly 38% of relationships. That’s a HUGE increase from the past.

THE GROWING SELFISHNESS WITHIN SOCIETY. Something is truly broken in male/female relationship dynamics. Marriages and relationships are a place to give, not to get. When you’re doing it the right way, you’ll get by giving and pouring into your mate/spouse. This includes giving spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. When one constantly takes, without giving, you leave the other feeling empty, overwhelmed and unbalanced. This takes a tremendous toll on a marriage, even the strongest of them.

MANY WOMEN DON’T KNOW HOW TO KEEP THEIR SLICK MOUTH “IN CHECK”. I’ll go as far as to say it’s the dominant factor (read: issue) most men have with women. Anyone who knows a bit about Muslim culture will tell you The Middle East is very strict. And there are some practices that are downright criminal and extreme. But one thing they do have there, is respect and accountability. That’s been far removed from a lot of women in American society, which is why many of them act out of control these days. Without accountability measures in place, it’s up to that woman to dig deep to curb her own inner bad desires and natures. Not many women today have the discipline to do that. There are females in this world who are great at everything they make their mind up to accomplish, but are simply horrible in relationships. They literally have no clue how to function in marriage, mainly because they spent so much time being single that a relationship has become an unattractive option to the single life they’ve created. So essentially: they find a “beta-male” type who’s enamored by her looks, all the time in the back of her mind, she has every intention on living her life as a single woman via her behavior and finances. A lot of these women look good on paper. But as they deal with a guy one-on-one, her flaws get exposed, and women often can’t take constructive criticism to work on these flaws, so they simply blame others. Over time: rather than get it fixed, it compounds.

A LOT OF MEN AREN’T QUALIFIED. Most males have jacked-up relationships from the start, due in large part to the psychological, mental, financial, and physical abuse inflicted on them from their parents. A lot of guys want a woman to value their direction, when they don’t even value themselves or their own direction. If you’re not a leader amongst men, you haven’t earned the right to be the leader amongst women. And the woman is forced to ask herself “why follow a Follower”? A lot of dudes have no spiritual awareness, common sense, or street savvy – and sort of “wing it” when dealing with major decisions and family issues.

MANY GUYS SEE HAVING A WOMAN ON THE SIDE AS THEIR “BIRTHRIGHT”. Over the years – via counseling, work discussions, or just general conversation – I’ve heard a great deal of men maintain that having “a lil sum’n on the side” has not and will not affect their marriage. It’s not until they’re face-to-face with the realization that his infidelity is truly destructive, and is now sending shock waves through his entire life. Men often take a woman for granted when they know that woman loves him deeply.

THE STRUGGLE OF BLACK WOMEN TO REPLACE A GOOD “PROVIDER”. Here’s an ice-cold glass of water to the face: the black woman doesn’t “need” the black man for anything. Any and everything she needs she can get directly from the white man. It’s systematically done – and also very strategic. It’s a divide-and-conquer ploy, with a template set in place generations ago by “Mr. Charlie”. The government loves to see single mothers, especially the ones on the struggle, because single moms are much easier to manipulate. Once a person is in a state of need – and they find a Sponsor who offers to help with their economics – they’ll cut just about anyone else’s throat to stay in that position. You take away the direction and protection a black man provides, you have a breakdown of the family which leaves the woman susceptible to “outside forces.” A female can easily replace a man with a “good heart.” What she cannot easily replace is a man with a good heart who can produce financially. If it were so “easy” to do (as black women lay claim to), darn near every black woman would have one.

Sometimes the truth is so obvious it becomes the very thing that blinds us. It is essential we recognize how our old ways of thinking and acting have gotten us exactly where we are right now. True love is a learned behavior that some of us (unfortunately) just haven’t learned. When you spend years playing the same games, just with different people, it’s like any other behavior that becomes addictive. It becomes who you are. A habit. You couldn’t even begin to change if you wanted to. The secret to success in a marriage is…..there is no secret. It’s called humbling yourself, working your ass off to show appreciation to someone you love, and finding a way to add more value to your husband or wife’s life than anyone else does. ((BN))

 

To learn more about Relationship Strategist and Author Blair Nash, check out his bio.

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