If a guy tells you he loves a hard working woman – you should probably stop talking to him.
Before you point your acrylic nails in my direction, allow me to explain.
If you’re a woman – and your man expects you to “MAN UP” – work as hard as he does (or more), lift the same heavy load as he would, take note of that. Chances are he doesn’t really value you as a woman.
I see a lot of black women on social media – and in real life – getting with and marrying men who see that woman as his “absolute equal”. Even worse, he may even see you as a man. (i.e, a woman in masculine energy) or as I call it, a Mule (AKA a “work horse”).
Many of our black males learned a lot of their behaviors and philosophies from the 70s & 80s where, due to the war on drugs, feminism, and other factors….the black man was absent from the home.
Taken out of his natural, organic role as provider and protector – the lions’ share of responsibility in raising and providing for the family fell at the feet of African American women. And for many young boys: seeing ‘Mama’ in that mental space meant that he didn’t need to protect nor provide for her because, well…..it seemed evident that many of our women could protect and provide for themselves.
All the while, not realizing that setting this precedent would ensure that he kept putting you in a masculine role – well into his adult years – while he protects and provides for the “feminine” side of who he has become. Sadly: many young males have seen their own mom, often single mothers, work very hard operating in masculine and feminine ways, so they assume this is what a “strong black woman” is.
When in fact: that is the behavior of a tired, overworked, and lonely woman who would die for a helping hand or a chance to be the delicate flower she is.
Now, that doesn’t mean that a woman can simply put the kids on the bus, go back home, do nothing but lay around and nothing but watch Netflix till the children need walked home from the bus stop. (We know there’s a decent amount of our women who do that as well).
But we’ve gotta step back and ask ourselves: why do we put so much effort into defending and preserving unhealthy destructive behaviors in the black community? Why do we think these roles are “okay”?
Fact is: a man can and will do what is necessary for what he truly loves, even if what is necessary means holding down a second job.
You see black women who do it all the time.
Our understanding of love has been watered down by weak men that still suffer mentally and emotionally from being abandoned by their fathers. And the end result for women is: a female who eventually resents the man she feels like she has to “carry.”
How often do you see couples who appear to be stable and happy – only to split up – and the woman goes on a tear about how she’s had to shoulder the financial struggle of that relationship for years? Exactly.
That doesn’t mean, however, that our black women don’t have blood on their hands as well. Too many sisters don’t get around to discussing the core terms, conditions, and “price” until they’re already 1-2 years into the relationship. Yes, ladies. You have the right to write up your own terms and conditions for people to enter into your life as a romantic partner.
To our black men, I say this: a woman may have compassion and understanding towards a man who isn’t skilled or successful at hunting for his household, but she can only truly honor and respect a man who doesn’t make excuses, but comes home with a big buffalo on his back consistently, knowing that man will either find a way, or make a way to push the interest and survival of his family forward. You are never just making decisions that only impacts you. Every action and decision you make impacts your tribe. Everything you do is either weakening or strengthening your tribe.
You are not “winning” until you are winning, fellas. You look foolish boasting about a certificate hanging on the wall, while simultaneously living with a negative balance in real life. You’re not a mover and shaker until you have the power to buy your own freedom and actually attain the power (in real life) to tangibly move and shake your environment to your will.
And that in part means having a woman that doesn’t HAVE to slay the dragon just like a man does.
We all know that many of our women can afford their mortgage, vehicle lease, etc.
We know you can do anything. But should you? THAT’S the grownup question.
We’ve become our reputation Fellas. Fairly or unfairly. This is the medicine we have to take, men. It won’t always taste good – but we need it.
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To learn more about Author Blair Nash, check out his bio.
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