What’s Behind The Growing Phenomenon of Being “The Other Woman”?

Kevin LloydBlair Nash, Blog Series Vol. 1

Blair Nash Photo_UpdatedI talk a lot about our dating issues on social media, and a few naysayers always come with, “but what are you doing about it besides talking about it on social media?”

Well, as I’ve stated numerous times…..social media reaches scores of people where had it not existed, you could only reach those in your immediate environment.

I love black women. Don’t ever think I don’t. I love you……I do!

However, me loving black women does not & will not ever preclude me from recognizing problematic behavior and pointing it out. As my mom would say: sometimes a shiny gold object is not always gold when you get up close.

And I’m not the only one to sound the alarm. The last several years has seen a number of men having their voice heard – spotlighting concerns with our philosophies in relationships, and why they’re drastically different than most. One such person who comes to mind is Steve Harvey.

I don’t agree with everything Mr. Harvey says – but I do champion the fact that he’s realized the arrogant & self-serving way he was, and gives caution to those who are trying to “figure it out”. Maybe he’s a changed man now. Maybe he’s trying to warn women about what not to fall for because he used to be a player & have sidechicks himself. (Ya’ll forget when Steve was out there being a player, his babygirl was still a baby herself. Now she’s a woman – and he doesn’t want her to end up with someone like how he used to be).

Although it’s waning in popularity, I recall seeing a snippet of a show where Steve Harvey was speaking on the series ‘Scandal’. He was making light of how women love to be on some “I hate these dusty sidechicks ruining relationships”……”But that sidechick love on Scandal is what I want”.

And therein lies the problem.

Women have always been attracted to “forbidden fruit”. Many studies show that, even among the animal kingdom…..tigers & sharks tend to channel their energies towards the ‘Alpha Male’, the male that ALL the other female species go after.

That thinking is acceptable in high school. Maybe even college.

But it gets pretty sad when you realize a lot of women never really grow & progress beyond that teenage mindset.

You see: many of our women are simply too in love with their sin and their own ways to wanna give it up. A needy woman will take any man…..even if he’s not good for her. There’s not even a shame in being the jump off (as it was in the past). Our women see the fun, the pleasure, the excitement, the ability to be taken out and score a free fancy meal, jewelry, trips, etc.

But then….it ends. Because it always ends.

And then: they’re left with whatever consequences (a baby, STD’s, stress over custody battles, worn out body, negative spirit connections, etc).

And then the cycle is repeated. Over and over, person after person after person. Each time leaving you more & more empty. How long and how many consequences must you face in order to CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY Ladies?

For many: it boils down to self-esteem. A lot of our women were raised by independent mothers, and the lack of seeing a quality relationship hurts them to this very day. Couple that with the absentee fathers….and you’ve got a real dilemma going on. Folks keep talking about the symptoms & not the root causes.

This may be difficult to stomach….and it’s a bit more heavy handed than I generally come at my sisters. As I stated before: I’ve got much love for all women. And because I do have an affection for you – I’ve gotta come at you strong from time/time. A lot of women BS their dating lives away until they find themselves lonely. A lot of women are going to die lonely and prematurely from their sexual sins. (It sounds harsh – but ladies, it’s just that serious). You can’t keep “a lil sumthin” on the side for every now & then…..and think there won’t be repercussions eventually.

And understand this as well: if you can get him with sex, the next one could take him for the same. Right?

Black women need to stop settling and be real with themselves. Would you invest your future with someone of value — or with just any ole man? You deserve better. Your future children deserve better. And if you have to wait until you’re 50-55 to get him, I say wait on God. You don’t have to be with some loser just to say, “I Got A Man.”

Stop wasting your beauty on whoredom. God didn’t create you to be a whore. He created you to be virtuous. You have the choice to remain celibate until you meet a man of high standards.

One more thing:

Fathers! Teach our little girls what to expect and accept from men. You attract disrespectful people when you don’t see yourself worthy of respect and honor. Love and respect yourself first before you want anyone else to.

It’s called having standards. In order to get complete victory – you have to stop being the victim. You gotta let it go at some point…….

And today is a good day to start! ~BN~

 

To learn more about Blair, check out his bio.

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