I’ve spoken to hundreds of men – in both private and group settings – and many of them observe the same thing concerning sisters:
Whenever you date a Black woman and ask what type of man she prefers, it never fails that they say, “I like bruhs with a little thug in them.” Hell, even our well-established black women have this mentality.
So, is it a pattern? The kind of person you’re attracted to is no exception. In fact, it’s probably one of the biggest and worse patterns there is.
Most Black women that believe in the power of God will say: “I am praying for the Lord to send me someone according to His will.” Their prayer is for the Lord to put them in position to receive their mate as well as praying for themselves for preparation. Women with this mentality always manage to be painfully single. I’m not talking about women who sincerely choose to be single, but more so the women who can’t manage to “get chosen.”
Ladies: a lot of you consistently place more value into asking where are all the good men, rather than asking if you’re truly the type of woman who deserves a good man. Before you ask the question – you must get and maintain the qualities of a great woman. Then, and only then will you become available and get noticed by the right types of man.
But in order for that to happen: stop allowing yourself all this direct contact with these “bums.” (Bums are the dusty dudes who mislead women into having sex with them – when they could easily find another woman who’s interested).
So let me explain to you how this works. We’re going inside a man’s mind for a moment:
When a man hasn’t lived up to his own potential, the first Jedi mind trick he’ll use is to manipulate you into accepting him just as he is. That is to say, in his downcast state. Then internally, and almost immediately – he will never respect you. Why? Because he is fully aware of the fact that you didn’t respect yourself when you downgraded to accept him. At this point, the thoughts running through his mind go a little something like this: ‘am I all she can get? what’s wrong with her?’ Because, you see, even he knows the state he’s in – a downcast one – but he’ll never admit that to you.
So then – the woman 1) takes him into her home (because he doesn’t have one), 2) starts fornicating with him (because relationships such as this almost always start out in fornication), 3) eventually marries him (because she wants it and presses him to get married), and 4) she becomes not only the dominant breadwinner (because he’s still trying to become a rapper or producer), but basically takes total and complete care of him, like he’s some sort of invalid. All he will do is make excuses for himself and hope she’ll buy it while he gets his ish together, or while he continues to receive all the benefits that comes from being with her.
And you see, that’s also why when these men miraculously upgrade their life, they upgrade their woman too.
In addition: out of this dysfunctional dilemma – a baby is made. And just like clockwork, the male vanishes before the child even has his first bottle.
In the Black community – mostly the inner city – this is a common occurrence. It’s a swap fest of sex, drugs/alcohol, and constant baby making.
You see – many of our Black women grew up in single parent homes where the mother, grandmother, and/or aunt was the dominant matriarch. The absence of seeing a healthy representation of how men and women balance a home and relationship really left black women clueless, not knowing that they exude or exhibit behaviors of competitiveness and distrust towards men. Other cultures, including white society don’t suffer from these types of ills, which stems from slavery and the absence of men in the home.
And sadly: the same character flaws that turned these women into single mothers never goes away. They get OLDER – but not better with age. This is mostly something you see African-American women doing. A lot of black women tend to want to “build a man”, mostly because they have their own insecurities. They figure if they date down (read: take on a project), the guy won’t ever leave them. While the woman may appear to have ‘more’ to offer than the man, she tends to be as equally immature and emotionally unstable as the man she dates. He receives the few trinkets she has to offer – until the day he leaves, and goes elsewhere to get his Simp on. Other women know there’s something massively wrong with that picture, and rebel against such a set up. They intrinsically know it’s unnatural. But why not our Black women?
A woman who decides to invest in a known bum and also decides to get impregnated by him outside of marriage is not a victim. She isn’t getting played. She’s actually playing herself by thinking sex and a baby would change him.
So – that only leaves MEN. Men of high quality who don’t sponge off women. Authentic Black men with drive, ethics and morals. We are the only ones who believe in filtering out females we give access to.
Because women also know that a smart man, a man who values himself can’t be controlled by sex. They provide leadership, guidance, logic, protection and stability. They likely won’t admit it – but independent Black men often scare some Black women. They know that a shift in power could be underway, so they discourage it in all ways possible. Having your own stuff and calling the shots means you have control, and they can’t easily manipulate you.
And maybe, just MAYBE…..the women are aware they aren’t as good as they think they are. Maybe because they still allow the raggedy dudes to come and “knock the dust off” from time to time. (Don’t even get me started).
It’s a very toxic and damaging cycle. It’s sad to see women in their 30s, 40s and beyond repeating this cycle over and over. You’d think at some point they would figure out they need to do things God’s way.
So here’s a message to my Sisters. Keep your “sexual body count” as low as possible. Stop giving the best years of your life to hordes of toxic/irresponsible goons and having their babies out of wedlock. Don’t keep kissing frogs when there are more qualified men you can be happy with. In my Counseling sessions – I teach women to think with their head, follow their hearts and listen to their intuition…which is something many surprisingly don’t know how to do yet.
Quit allowing your beauty to waste away, ladies. Your body is not a hotel – men shouldn’t be able to come and go as they please. God didn’t create you to be that way. He created you to be virtuous. You even have the choice to remain celibate until you meet a man of high standards. When you reproduce and have children with a bum, all you do is put yourself further into poverty, while bringing your own children into that lifestyle.
And many of our children will NEVER, ever get out of this cycle of poverty – based on how things are looking. ~BN~
To learn more about Blair Nash, check out him bio.
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